I have spent many years photographing women. I found boudoir in 2000 when I modeled for a photographer in Western Massachusetts. I had no idea it was called “boudoir”. I had accompanied a friend who wanted to take sexy pictures. I played along, too. When I look back at the images I see terrible angles and composition. I’m not sure if the photographer really knew what he was doing. These images certainly make me laugh.
Fast forward to 2012 and I photograph my first boudoir session with a client. Those images are so terrible. But we all have to start somewhere. Probably like the guy who photographed me.
While trying to figure out what sort of photography resonated with me the most I took to Facebook groups and inter web forums. I attended retreats and found amazing photographer friends. I friendly-stalked other photography pages and tried to emulate what I loved about their style.
This year, after opening the studio with Jamie, I paused. I took a look at who I was as a photographer and what my style was. I took a look at the message I wanted to send and the message I was sending. For months now… I didn’t know who I was.
I am not someone who wears makeup or does my hair on the regular. I stopped shaving my body hair because I really don’t enjoy shaving and I love me. How could I photograph women after telling them that they needed to have their hair and makeup done and tell them that they’re gorgeous just the way they are? How could I advise them on what wardrobe to wear in order to minimize the parts they don’t love and tell them they’re goddesses just the way they are? How could I even attempt to sell that? How could I retouch their images so they barely look like themselves and expect them to feel empowered? I didn’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe that they were beautiful…because, goddamn… every fucking woman who has stood before me, nervous and unsure of herself, has shone so brightly. They have set the world on fire with their ferocity….without the hair and makeup and the posing. They stood in front of me and their eyes sparkled and their personalities exploded. They were vulnerable and I was humbled.
There are amazing photographers and people who live and breathe the magic of a makeover. They are right, too. I have been made up to look like someone else and felt amazing. I still look at the images and drool a little. I understand the magic. It is absolutely how some people want to feel.
But that isn’t me. That sort of photography doesn’t actually resonate with me. I can’t sell it because I don’t believe in it… as something that I want to do. I can’t look you in the eyes, tell you that you’re enough and to celebrate that, but first get a makeover and let’s hide all the perceived flaws. I just can’t do it.
So, I’m not.
I want to create art. I want to document the beauty around me. I want to craft beautiful art people want to hang on their walls. I want to walk on someone’s journey of self-love and celebrate with them. I want a piece of my heart and soul to pour out into the world through my art, my photography.
Each session will be handcrafted from start to finish. I want to give you my full attention. I want your images to reflect you. YOU.
Whether I’m photographing a small backyard wedding or a family enjoying themselves or a couple loving on one another…. I want my complete focus to be on how brilliant you are and how fucking amazing this feels to me.
A lovely friend of mine taught me that if it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. Restructuring my business to reflect my soul feels good.
Feel free to walk with me on this journey.
Feel free to silently look on.
This is going to be a beautiful ride.
For the giggles…
Left to right:
2000 - my first boudoir shoot
2014 - my second boudoir shoot
2017 - all glammed up for a 15 minute self-portrait
2018 - Halloween - the only time I dressed up that year.
2018 - Christmas - Me on the regular with my beasties.